I don't know if I'm alone in this, but I'm betting not. At the same time, I openly admit that it's one of the most juvenile characteristics about me: I hate, hate, HATE it when someone fails to acknowledge that I've held the door open for them or let them into traffic.
My friend Martha has said that I have a good filter, meaning that I usually exhibit uncommon restraint and courtesy even when the situation may call for the acid side of my tongue. In truth, I've just mellowed a lot over time; I can't be bothered to get into an argument over most stuff. Also, there seem to be a lot more maniacs roaming the streets than there used to be. I don't want to draw their attention to me for any reason.
So, usually in the event that someone cuts into traffic or sails through a door like the QE2, I stew in silence and then forget about it.
A few weeks ago, however, my filter must have slipped a cog, gone on strike, or was otherwise occupied filtering out some other filthy remark or gesture.
We'd just come from dinner, and I was popping into another shop. The door was being held open for me by a friend. I actually paused to let another woman through first. When she breezed right through as though we were just the friendly doormen at the Plaza Hotel, I snarled, "You're so welcome."
Usually I receive no response and it only serves to make me feel momentarily better, as if I were the arbiter of good manners. And I don't actually know what I would do if one of those aforementioned maniacs responded to me. I'd rather not know.
This time, the woman turned around. My first thought was that she bore a striking resemblance to my mother, whom I would never address like that (I'd have no teeth if I had). My second thought was utter confusion: I was expecting some harsh words back, and she apologized. And then went on to explain that she'd just been in an accident and was really shaken up.
To my small credit, I walked back over to her and put my arm around her to see if she needed to sit. I also apologized for my sarcasm. And despite my apologies and belatedly kind gesture, I felt badly about it for days. I don't make it my mission in life to make people feel bad or worse than they already do.
I don't know what's going on in other people's lives. None of us do. If I was ever slapped in the face with a lesson, this, friends and neighbors, was it. I hope I've learned it well.
To reinforce it, I've been consciously letting people into traffic and holding doors open for them. And the funny thing is, they're usually polite about it.
I saw a poster in a police station while getting info for my police beat. It showed a man looking mortified while driving his car. The caption read, and I paraphrase: It takes 2 seconds to flip someone off in traffic and 5 seconds to realize it was your boss.
ReplyDeleteI try to imagine what it would be like to tailgate and beep at my boss, or a friend of mine, or my mom whenever someone does something to piss me off in traffic. It usually calms me down.
It's true, we never know what's going on in people's lives. It's always good to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but it's not always easy to do so. Hindsight is 20/20. But it does help to pretend that whoever irked you is someone you care about in some way, makes it easier to take that extra second.
And, as you know, I'm no saint. I don't do it all the time and am quite guilty of letting my anger get the better of me. But every little bit helps. :)