Summer Reading

Some 20-somethings do live full enough lives to warrant an autobiography, but I'm not sure Bristol Palin or Levi Johnston rank among them. The publishing industry doesn't agree, however, because both are releasing their memoirs on an unsuspecting public.

What have they done beyond that of any other average teenage couple in America? She got drunk and lost her virginity during a camping trip and became pregnant. Unfortunate, but it happens all the time, everyday, all over the country. The expectant couple were engaged for about three minutes before the cheating and accusations starting flying faster than a Kodiak can swipe the grin off of Sarah Palin's over-exposed face.

Since then, Johnston and Palin have become fixtures in the tabloids, on television, everywhere. Sarah has or had a reality show based on her home state; Bristol went on a strange and hypocritical "I've-learned-my-lesson" abstinence tour sponsored by Candies, those makers of fine sandals and pole-dancing shoes. Bristol brought home the bacon for little Tripp on that one, pulling in some 200K. Then she competed on Dancing with the Stars. She lately confirmed rumors of plastic surgery. Well, why not? It's a rite of passage.

And Levi? Levi had no problem showing off what Bristol lost her virginity to for all the world to see (or whoever wanted to) in Playgirl magazine. That's when he wasn't busy running for mayor of whatever town he calls home or fathering another child with another girl.

Occassionally we'd hear jabs being thrown at one from the other, and then the dust seemed to settle.  But now both have books coming out. Hers is titled, "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far," comes out this summer, and the title implies a sequel. Incidentally, the cover looks like bad country music album art.

His is called "Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs." Far be for me to actually defend Sarah Palin, but really: Levi, don't you think you sort of deserve to be in her crosshairs?

For me, this boils down to three things.

1. The hillbilly throw-down continues, only on a grander scale. It's like Dynasty meets Jerry Springer. There's enough political intrigue, scandal and drama to make a Kennedy blush. Oh yeah, and remember Tripp? That little biological byproduct of their outdoor gropings? Acrimony, name-calling and public grievance-airing are all great lessons to teach their son.

2. What wisdom could two 20-somethings possibly impart to their readership?
Oh yeah. Don't forget to use a condom. And if mom gets famous - or infamous - enough, we can all ride the reality show train 'til the grizzlies come home. What's next for Bristol? Housewives of Juneau?

3. Sarah, take note: not all publicity is good if you're even toying with running for the White House. Do you really want the monkeys out of the cage? Because you seem fine with it. And that frightens me.

So the question isn't whether you'll run out and scoop up these page turners. Sadly, if the publishing industry has seen fit to print these stories, then there must be a market for them. The question, rather, is this: When will we have had enough of Sarah Palin, her brood, and their associates? Will they finally have had their say and - please, God - go away?